She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
