A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
