are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
