who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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