I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
