I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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