You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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