i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
