I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
