I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
