I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and she was petting her beer can
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
