Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
