"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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