tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
