i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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