In America we eat man semen.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
