Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
