Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
