I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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