Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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