I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
