you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
