I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this boner is exhausting
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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