I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
