Jerry, you need to find god
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
