I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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