Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
