Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
