Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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