I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
