I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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