you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
