My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
