My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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