Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
