Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
