i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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