We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
