these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
