she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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