you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
