i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
