Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
