I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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