Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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