I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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