He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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