I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
try to milk me bitch
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