Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
