Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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