You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
