"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
