Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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