She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
