I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
