If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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