who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
