Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
