I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
