i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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