i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
