I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
