Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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