JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
