Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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