we have pet lesbian snakes
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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