I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
